Watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
by Ender The Time Lady
Summary: Several characters from Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, from different times and places, get dragged together, for the sole purpose of watching a TV show. About themselves. This will not end well. T for swearing, blood, and death. Enjoy!
1. Fullmetal Alchemist

**Watching Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood**

**AN: Because nobody's done this yet. Set three or four months after the Promised Day. I own nothing. Featuring several dead characters, and younger versions of others. Seeing as it's a little complicated, I'll just list all the characters.**

**Ed 16 year old Ed.**

**Al: 15 year old Al**

**Edward: Four year old Ed.**

**Alphonse: Three year old Al.**

**Trisha Elric: About a year before her death**

**Maes Hughes: From somewhere between the end of the civil war and episode one.**

**Roy Mustang: From after the Promised Day.**

**Riza Hawkeye: After Promised Day.**

**Van Hoenheim: Same time period as Trisha.**

**Ling Yao: From before he came to Amestris.**

**Scar: After Promised Day.**

**Mei Chang: Same time period as Ling.**

**Xio-Mei: Same time period as Mei.**

**Izumi Curtis: After Promised Day  
**

**Episode One- Fullmetal Alchemist**

"_In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made many people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad move."_

_~Hitchhikers Guide the the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams_

"What the hell?"

"Roy? Is that you?"

"Mom?"

"It's dark!"

"No shit!"

"Language!"

"Ouch Ed, that's my foot!"

"I'm not stepping on your foot!"

"Someone find a light!"

"Hoenheim?"

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND STAND STILL!"

The mass of people froze.

A light came on, revealing a large group squished together. Said group, for the most part shaded their eyes.

Everyone gasped.

They were standing in a well-lit room full of Fullmetal Alchemist characters. End every single one of them was confused.

Well, Trisha and Hoenheim were kissing, and Ling and Mei were giving each other death glares, Izumi was sending vaguely threatening glares towards Ed and Al, while Ed was sending a death glare at Hoenheim, but that's not the point.

"Hey, look! There's something written on the wall!" Al said.

Alphonse stared at his older self before looking at the wall.

"Hello there! You are all here for a very specific reason. Namely, you're going to watch yourselves! Now, we've got two different versions of Ed and Al. The older ones who have already done this stuff, and the younger ones that haven't. Trisha, Hoenheim and the younger Elric brothers are here so that someone can lecture the crap out of the older Elric brothers. Understood? Great. Now sit down on the couches. Ling Yao, Mei Chang, opposite sides of the room. Nobody's allowed to kill anyone either. The first video will start soon. Also, to avoid confusion, the older Elric brothers will be called Ed and Al, while the younger ones will be called Edward and Alphonse."

Everyone started to sit down, Ed and Al shoving their younger versions towards Hoenheim, effectively claiming their mother. Ed then proceeded to grab her in a bone-cracking hug, while Al gave a much gentler one.

Trisha frowned over Al's wasted appearance, but said nothing.

Edward and Alphonse watched themselves with some jealousy, before climbing up around their dad, Edward looking ticked. Alphonse on the other hand sat down and leaned against his father. Said man felt rather awkward, but didn't push away his son.

Roy instantly sat down beside Hughes, while Riza took a seat beside him.

Ling and Mei finished glaring, before separating to opposite sides of the room.

Izumi sat by herself in an armchair.

Scar however, found himself jostled in to sitting between Ed and Edward, the elder grinning towards the Ishvalan, while the younger moved over nervously.

"Oh, this is going to get awkward" Scar said.

"Call it payback for my arm, back when we first met." Ed replied cheerfully.

Scar shot Ed a glare, before resigning himself to scaring the ever-loving crap out of Edward.

**The screen lit up, showing an over head view of Central, quickly fading in to a swirly transmutation circle, and then showing the man drawing it, before finally zooming out to show Central HQ.**

"**The Freezing Alchemist?"**

"WHOO! FIRST LINE! That was me, right?" Roy said, grinning.

"Yes sir." Riza replied calmly.

"**Yes. He has sneaked his way in to Central."**

Instant booing from Ed, Al and Roy, while the people from the past looked confused.

"**Colonel Roy Mustang. I would like to put you n charge of capturing him."**

"Oh good work Roy! Direct assignment from the Fuhrer himself!" Hughes said, grinning towards his friend. Roy smiled back at his friend.

"**If that is your order."**

"**Oh, I'm so glad you're in Central. I can rest assured leaving this to you."**

"Ha, it's funny because it's bullshit." Al said.

"Al! Language!"

"Sorry mom." Al said, although his huge grin kinda ruined the effect.

"**Yes sir."**

"**Ah, one more thing. The boy is here as well. Use him however you like."**

"Like hell you can! I do what I want!" Ed snapped.

"Ed! Language!"

"But mom..."

"Watch your language. You wouldn't want to corrupt your younger selves, now would you?"

"Sorry mom."

Roy snickered, before Ed threw a pen at him.

"Where did you even get that?" Roy said, dodging said pen.

"Found it on the floor yesterday."

"Well, it's mine now!"

"It's out of ink anyways."

"**Fuhrer Bradley;"**

"BOOO!"

"**By the boy, do you mean..?"**

"**Yes."**

**The camera switched to Bradley's face.**

"BOOO!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"GO HOME TERRORIST!"

"DICKHEAD!"

"Really dear? You too?"

"Sorry Trisha."

"**The Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric."**

"WHAT!" Trisha shrieked. Hoenheim didn't look too thrilled either.

**The screen showed Ed's face.**

"**Man, the colonel is such a slave driver."**

"Edward Elric, why in god's name are you in the military!"

"Uh... mom... it's complicated?" Ed offered.

"Whoa, I look awesome!" Edward said, drawing a smirk from his older self.

"**We'd already bought our tickets to Liore, but that's been cancelled, huh?"**

"Who's that?" Hoenheim said, looking over at his sons and gesturing towards the armoured figure.

Al tentatively raised his hand.

Everyone gave him strange looks, confused at how such a skinny boy could move with all that heavy armour.

"They'll explain later I bet." Ed said.

"**Nothing we can do about it. Let's hurry up and get this over with Al."**

"**Mmmhmm, brother."**

**The scene changed. **

"**There he goes! That way!"**

"**Halt! Halt or else!"**

**The screen showed a few spikes of ice knocking the poor solider out of the way.**

**Isaac rounded the corner, grabbing a soldiers arm, completely freezing the man, and boiling the other.**

Trisha gasped.

Scar looked ticked.

"He stole my thing..."

Al snickered.

"**Freezing and boiling, both attributes of water."**

**A spear glinted in the sky, heading straight towards the man who quickly dodged out of the way.**

"**Alchemy..."**

"**What a nasty thing to do..."**

"**In order to do great things, sacrifices must be made. It's what's known as equivalent exchange."**

"**There's no way you can call that equivalent exchange!"**

"You tell 'em runt!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE HE CAN RIDE AROUND ON THE BACK OF A FLEA!"

**The Ed on screen clapped his hands, grabbed the spear, and changed it into a spiked club.**

Everyone from the past stared.

"No transmutation circle?" Edward said in shock.

"That is so cool." Alphonse said.

"Who?" Hoenheim said, staring at the elder Elrics.

The two brothers shifted awkwardly.

"What are you talking about?" Ling said, speaking up for the first time.

"The only way to perform alchemy without a transmutation circle is by performing human transmutation." Hoenheim said.

"By performing human transmutation, you pay a toll and see the Truth, who's basically God." Roy explained.

"The fee can be anything. Organs, limbs, eyes, or even your entire body." Izumi added.

"And human transmutation is impossible to get right."Al said sadly.

"At best, you'll get a wheezing pile of organs." Ed finished.

"Charming." Ling said drily.

"**Without a transmutation circle...!"**

"**You can't afford to be so intrigued!"**

**Ed rushed him, just as Al jumped out behind the alchemist. Ed took a swing with the club, but was blocked by the metal on Isaacs arm. Said man did a flip up, kicking Al and taking a swing at Ed. He was blocked by the club, but the Freezer grabbed Ed's arm, and ended up knocking the boy back.**

"**What? Impossible!"**

**Al got thrown back with a shriek.**

"**Any water in there should have boiled!"**

"**You ruined my coat you know."**

Everyone gasped at Ed's arm.

"Automail..." Trisha said numbly, hugging her son.

Edward held his arm closer to his body.

"**Automail!"**

**Ed dramatically took his coat off.**

"**The skill of a gifted alchemist, one who doesn't use transmutation circles, as well as an automail right arm...! You are the Fullmetal alchemist, Edward Elric?!"**

"Damn skippy I am!"

"Brother, never say that again."

"Wasn't planning on it, no."

"**Not you?"**

**Isaac pointed at Al.**

"**Oh, um, I'm his younger brother Alphonse."**

"**This runt?"**

"**Who's a puny runt?!"**

**Ed clapped his hands, slammed them in to the ground, and trapped the Freezer.**

"**To think that the man they call the Fullmetal Alchemist is just a little child!"**

**Ed bristled, clapping his hands before hitting the wall.**

"**DON'T CALL ME LITTLE!"**

"Someone's PMSing." Roy muttered.

Maes snickered.

**A stone hand shot out, slamming in to the Freezer, sending him flying.**

"**Brother, I don't think he meant your height just now."**

"**Even if he didn't he's going to pay!" Ed yelled, shaking a fist.**

"**That's the Fullmetal Alchemist Edward Elric for you!" A random solider said, standing in front of Al. "Thank you very much for your assistance."**

"I hate it when people do that!" Ed complained.

"Hey, your fault for being so small."

"DON'T CALL ME LITTLE OR I WILL BREAK YOUR PELVIS!"

"Hey! You can't talk to me like that, I'm the Emperors son!"

"You're a dick. You still owe me for room service!"

"What?"

"You heard me! You gave me an insanely large bill, and then you didn't even bother to pay it!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Asshole."

"Language Ed!" Trisha scolded.

"**No, I'm his younger brother, Alphonse Elric."**

"**Okay! Sorry to keep you waiting Al. Now let's get going."**

"**Geeze, you're always so impatient."**

**The screen showed several guards escorting Isaac along the street. They walked over a puddle, and the Freezer grinned, taking off his glove to reveal a transmutation circle.**

"Oh, this is going to end badly." Ling said.

**He fell sideways, dropping in to the puddle.**

**Ed and Al looked up just in time to be blinded by a cloud of steam.7**

**Ed coughed.**

"**Steam...?"**

"**Brother! He's loose!"**

"**Damn it! Trifle with us, will he?!"**

**The handcuffs were in pieces on the ground.**

"Epic fail." Hughes said.

"Idiots." Izumi grumbled.

"What happened?" Ling said, looking confused.

"Alchemy is weird." Mei said quietly. Xiao Mei nodded from her shoulder.

"**Looks like you underestimated your opponent, Fullmetal."**

**The scene changed, showing Ed sitting inside of Central HQ.**

"**Who is that guy?"**

"**I thought I told you to listen to the briefing."**

**Ed's eyes briefly widened in panic, before he looked down again.**

"**But no, you had to go right after him." Roy continued.**

"**Yeah, yeah, alright. I'm terribly sorry." Ed interjected.**

"Ed, don't be so rude!" Trisha scolded gently. Roy grinned.

"Fullmetal, your mother is awesome. How the hell did you turn out the way you are?"

"Fuck off Colonel bastard."

"I'm a General actually."

"Whatever. A bastard's a bastard."

"THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!"

"**You should listen more carefully when your elders speak."**

"**Right, right."**

"**Now then, his name is Isaac McDougal. He's a former state alchemist who they called Isaac the Freezer."**

"**Former?"**

"**That's right. He took part in the Ishvalan war of extermination as a member of the military.**

Instant scowls from all of the military people and Scar.

"**After the war he renounced his State Alchemist title and went on to join the anti establishment movement. Taking him in to custody is a matter of top priority. We may have to kill him, depending on the situation."**

"**I'm not about to kill anyone." Ed said.**

"It would be pretty messed for a kid to go around killing people."

"I'm not a kid." Ed said, looking angry.

"**Suit yourself. After all, all we're after is your performance."**

**Ed and Roy glared at each other a bit.**

"Older me is right, you're a jerk." Edward said cheerfully towards Roy.

"You know what Fullmetal, you were an evil midget. Not that you've gotten taller. You were an evil kid, that works better." Roy said, smirking in Ed's general direction.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO OPEN DOORS, HE CAN JUST WALK UNDER THEM!"

**Roy laughed**

"**By the way, have you found any leads on getting your bodies back to normal?"**

"**You never give me any time to!"**

**Hughes slammed the door open.**

"**Yo, Roy! Hell of an order you drew, to take the Freezing Alchemist in to custody, huh? Or is this your big chance to get promoted to Central?"**

"And so enters me! Damn, I really am handsome!" Hughes said cheerfully.

**Roy sighed.**

"**Oh? By any chance are you the Elric brothers?" Hughes said with interest.**

**Hughes started shaking Al's hand.**

"**Wow, it's an honour to meet the youngest State Alchemist. I'm Maes Hughes, Lt. Colonel."**

"Damn, so I didn't get that promotion."

"**Um, I'm his younger brother, Alphonse Elric."**

"Why did people keep doing that?" Ed complained.

"Can't say I enjoyed it much either." Al said with a grin.

"**What! You're the Fullmetal Alchemist!"**

"**Don't you call me little!" Ed mumbled.**

"**Hughes." Roy called.**

"**Yeah?"**

"**If you don't need anything, then go home."**

"**I will go, once my business is done."**

**Roy looked confused.**

"**You guys don't have a place to stay yet, right?"**

"I don't like where this is headed." Edward said, frowning slightly.

"**So come home with me."**

"Mr. Hughes, you're sounding rather creepy." Hoenheim said.

**Hughes's glasses flashed ominously as he plunged his hand in to his jacket, pulling something out.**

Alphonse was giving Hughes a strange look.

**Hughes held out a picture of a woman and a toddler.**

"**My wife, Gracia, and my daughter Elicia."**

"OH MY GOD THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!" Hughes squealed.

Riza facepalmed.

"I HAVE THE CUTEST DAUGHTER EVER! AND GRACIA! SHE'S GORGEOUS!" Hughes shrieked.

Roy smiled.

**The scene changed, showing Hughes hugging his daughter.**

"**Elicia!"**

"**Papa, your beard hurts!"**

"**It does? Scritchy scritchy!"**

Hughes looked like he was about to faint from joy.

"**Look, these are our guests today. The Elric brothers!"**

**Elicia pointed towards Al. **

"**So big!"**

**She pointed towards Ed.**

"**So little!"**

Much snickering from the assembled group as Ed and Edward bristled.

**Ed twitched slightly.**

"**Elicia, I am Edward Elric, and this is my _younger_ brother, Alphonse Elric. Understand? _Younger_ brother."**

"**If you're the older brother, how come you're so little?"**

Ed and Edward fumed, as almost everyone howled in laughter. Hoenheim had a rare smile on his face, and Trisha was giggling gently.

Both Ed and Edward were fuming.

"DAMMIT I'M NOT SHORT!" They screamed in unison.

"Brother, now look what you've done! You've corrupted your younger self!"

The laughter intensified.

"**Let me go! Let me go, Al! Don't stop me!"**

"**Now, now, they're letting us stay here, so behave yourself."**

"**Let's have dinner right away! Gracia's cooking is delicious!" Hughes declared, ignoring the screaming teenager trying to murder his daughter.**

**The screen changer again, showing a quiche, which Ed was looking with great anticipation.**

"**I graciously accept this meal!" Ed said eagerly.**

**Hughes smiled as the sound of Ed's frantic eating were heard.**

"**Yum! It's delicious!"**

"**Have plenty, okay?" Gracia said happily.**

"**Sure!"**

**Hughes suddenly noticed something.**

"**Alphonse, you can't eat while wearing your armour, right?"**

Ed and Al scowled.

**The Ed and Al on screen froze.**

"**W-well, you see..."**

"**Al is in the middle of his alchemy training right now. Okay Al, I'll eat enough for both of us."**

"You don't really think I'm that stupid, do you?" Hughes said, shooting Ed and Al an insulted look.

**The on-screen Maes looked completely baffled.**

"**Training! Training!" Elicia cheered.**

**The scene changed to show Central Prison. The sound of a mans laughter echoed around.**

Ed reflexively rubbed his side, and Scar scowled.

"**That's the funniest joke I've heard in a while. The Freezing Alchemist and me team up? Me? The Crimson Alchemist?"**

Ed scowled.

"That guy's a dickhead." he said angrily.

"**Kimbly, together we'll get Bradley and bring down this rotten military!"**

"Although the Freezer isn't so bad."

"**You must have seen the hell that took place in Ishbal."**

"He caused it!" Scar said, clearly pissed.

"**You must know what Bradley made us do there."**

"Oh, he knew alright." Roy muttered darkly.

"**That's why you killed those officers, right?"**

**More laughter.**

"**Please, don't misunderstand."**

"He's misunderstanding."

"**I do not thing in such sophisticated terms. I killed those guys because I wanted to kill them, nothing more."**

"**That's too bad Kimbly. It truly is too bad."**

**Isaac walked away, going past the guard.**

"**Good work." He said, pushing the frozen man over.**

**The screen showed Maes sitting in his pajamas in his living room. Gracia walked in.**

"**This is unusual. Can't you sleep?" She asked her husband.**

"**Nah..."**

**She sat down beside him.**

"**Do you want me to guess?"**

"**Huh?"**

"**You were thinking about those two, weren't you"**

**Hughes smiled, leaning back.**

"**State Alchemists are those who people call Dogs of the Military. When I think of him being called that at his age..."**

**The scene changed, showing Ed lying in bed, with his hair flowing out behind him and his automail arm showing.**

"Edward, you look like a girl." Alphonse said.

The others snickered.

"**Brother, are you awake?" Al said. The armoured boy was sitting beside his bed.**

"Al, why aren't you sleeping?" Trisha said, giving him a stern look.

"They'll explain later?" he said weakly.

Trisha frowned, but said nothing.

"**Mrs. Gracia's quiche sure looked like Moms, huh?" Al said, sounding wistful.**

"**Yeah, it was delicious."**

"**Really? In that case, I'll have to add it to my list of things to eat once I get my body back."**

"Get you body back?" Hoenheim said, raising an eyebrow towards Al.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Alphonse said nervously.

"I lost my entire body performing human transmutation. Brother gave up his arm to pull my soul back and bind it to a suit of armour." Al said quietly.

"That's weird." Mei said quietly.

Trisha looked shocked. Alphonse moved himself closer to Hoenheim.

"**Yeah! Add it on, add it on!"**

"That's kind of sad." Ling said, cheerful as ever.

"**Brother..."**

"**Huh?"**

"**I sure would like to get our old bodies back soon."**

"**Yeah."**

**The scene changed again, showing Isaac drawing another transmutation on the ground.**

"**One more... One more and Bradley's on his way to hell."**

**Central HQ was shown again, this time in the day.**

"**According to reports, Isaac sneaked in to Central Prison last night." Roy said.**

"And the last horse crosses the finishing line." Hughes said cheerfully.

Riza, Ed, Izumi, and a few others snickered.

Roy just scowled.

"**The situation doesn't leave us a moment to spare. Find him, no matter what. Close off all roads, and look in every last spot. Upon finding him you are free to shoot him dead."**

"Kill him dead, eh Roy?"

"Shut up."

"**That is an order from the Fuhrer."**

**The screen showed Roy pulling on gloves.**

"**I'm going out too."**

"WHOO! GO ROY-BOY!"

"Shut up Hughes."

**The scene changed yet again, showing the Elric brothers looking at a steaming dead body.**

"**Medic! Hurry!" A man yelled.**

"Uh, believe it or not, but I'd say he's dead." Ling said dryly.

Mei snickered, stopping as her half-brother gave her an odd look.

"**Report to headquarters, five men dead!"**

"Truth you're terrible at this." Izumi said, rolling her eyes.

Roy scowled, glaring at his fellow sacrifice.

"**How awful." Al said.**

"**Steam explosion. When you rapidly raise the temperature of water, it expands with explosive force. The human body is seventy percent water after all." Ed said, looking mildly disturbed. "Let's hurry. We have to find him quickly." The short alchemist turned, and started walking ****down the street.**

"**Mhhm." Al said, following his brother.**

**Isaac was shown drawing yet another transmutation circle.**

"I just know he's doing something with all those circles, but what?" Ed mumbled, face screwed up in thought.

"**All right." He said to himself. Blue energy flickered on the wall ahead, and he leapt backwards, avoiding the stone spears jutting out at him.**

"**Impressive being able to dodge my alchemy Mr. Isaac."**

"**That voice.. Armstrong!"**

"**Indeed it is!"**

"May Truth have mercy on us." Ed grumbled, looking ticked.

Izumi shrugged.

"He and Sig get along well." she said neutrally.

"Traitor." Al mumbled.

**Armstrong's fist smashed through the wall.**

"**The Strong Arm Alchemist, Alex Louis Armstrong!"**

"Why is he sparkling?" Ling said slowly.

"We have yet to find out." Roy said solemnly.

"Amestrians are weird."

"**Take this!" Isaac hit his palm to the ground, sending water towards Armstrong, who dodged. The attack missed, and instead sliced the ends of the spears.**

"**High pressure water will slice through anything!" Isaac said, sending a larger blast towards Armstrong.**

"**It is no match for my fist!"**

**Ed and Al saw the explosion of dust and water from an alley near them.**

"Are those... rocks shaped like his head?" Edward said, looking baffled.

"Apparently." Alphonse said, brow furrowed.

"Well then... He's odd." Mei said.

"Surprisingly badass though." Scar said calmly.

"**Major!" Al yelled, as the Elrics ran towards the two.**

**Isaac whipped around, throwing a canteen full of water at the pair.**

"**Brother!" Al cried out again, grabbing Ed and shielding him from the blast.**

**Isaac ran past.**

"**Water from his canteen? Thank you Al!" Ed said gratefully, tapping his brothers armour.**

"**Let's get after him, brother!"**

"HOW IS MY LITTLE BROTHER MORE AWESOME THAN ME!?" Edward screeched in anger while Alphonse giggled.

"**Let's go Elric brothers!"**

"**Right!"**

"**Yeah!"**

**The scene changed to show soldiers running around at night before switching to Isaac on a roof.**

"I'm guessing you didn't catch him?" Ling said cheerfully.

"Actually, we had him cornered at one point, but he got away from us using a puddle." Al said.

"Again?"

"Not our finest moment." Ed mumbled, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head.

"**It's been a long time, Freezing."**

**Isaac turned to see Roy with several troops pointing guns at him.**

"Oh, this should be good."

"**Roy Mustang... or rather, the Flame Alchemist."**

"**It's a shame, having to fight against someone who was once a war buddy."**

"**War buddy? I have no friends."**

"Cheerful fellow. Is he single?" Mei quipped, earning a few snorts from the others.

"**The only ones in Ishbal was the rotten military and their dogs!"**

"What am I, chopped liver?" Scar said, looking pissed.

**Roy snapped, and a burst of flames shot towards Isaac, who's eyes widened in surprise.**

**A burst of water and smoke shot into the air.**

**Isaac was standing behind a broken water pipe, which was spouting water in to the air. He quickly slammed is hand down on it, causing ruptures around Roy and the soldiers.**

**Roy looked panicked.**

"Well, balls." Hughes said calmly, summing up the situation.

**The water rained down on the soldiers, and squirted Roy in the face.**

"**Flame will never beat water!" Isaac declared, creating a bridge of ice on to the next rooftop and running off, destroying the bridge behind him.**

**The Freezer ran up to one of the transmutation circles, looked annoyed after seeing it covered in rubble.**

"**Damn." He swore, shoving the stones aside.**

"It's a trap." Edward said with a smirk.

**He uncovered the circle with a mad grin.**

"**Yes, yes, yes!"**

"**That's far enough!" Ed cried out.**

"KNEW IT!"

"**I was wondering what you were doing in this alley, so I came back to see, and bingo!"**

**Isaac laughed, standing up.**

"**It's no use trying to escape." Al said, blocking off the other exit to the alley.**

"**Escape? There's no need to."**

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Alphonse said, looking nervous.

"Yep, we're idiots." Al said cheerfully.

**He held his hands out and the circle began to shine with red light.**

**The light shot in to the air.**

**Ed gasped as the other circles around the city blasted off covers and began to glow as well, shooting similar beams into the sky.**

"**An alchemic reaction like this, all at the same time..."**

"**Impossible. It couldn't be..."**

"**A philosophers stone!" Ed yelled, turning towards Isaac.**

"Wait, what?" Ling said leaning forwards in interest.

Mei did the same.

Hoenheim frowned.

**The red glow turned to snow, as the walls began to ice over.**

"**What? He used the moisture in the air..."**

"**Edward Elric!" Isaac said, standing in front of a wall of ice with a red glow in the centre.**

"**Dog of the Military, State Alchemist! Do you know what this country is trying to do?!"**

"We probably should have taken the hint..." Ed said, burying his face in his hands.

"You think?"

"**Who cares! More importantly..."**

"**If you knew you'd understand what I'm trying to do!"**

"**I told you I don't know!"**

**Al jumped over the ice wall, aiming a kick at Isaac, which he dodged. Al through more punches, and was hit with the last one, flying back and hitting the metal barrier and the edge of the street.**

"**All right Al! Nicely done!" **

"**Brother, his alchemy!"**

"Well, you're effed." Hughes said calmly.

"**Yeah. Hey, you! You have a Philosophers Stone, don't you?!"**

"**What are you talking about?" Isaac said, grinning.**

"**If you won't tell me I'll force it out of you..."**

"**Is this any time to be talking nonsense?!"**

**Isaac made the river blast up in to the air, freezing it in to a solid mass of ice before grabbing on to the rail as it was ripped off from the street.**

"Told you!"

**Ed and Al took that as a prompt to run like hell.**

"**Take a good look at the artistic alchemy..."**

"**HE'S ALL YOURS MAJOR!"**

"**...That has been passed don through the Armstrong family fro generations!"**

**He caused a dent in the ice, and went flying backwards.**

**The ice changed directions, smashing through a building.**

"That went well."Ling said.

"**What!?"**

"**What are you doing Major!?"**

"**Oh, I was just..."**

**He stopped as a cloud of dust blew out of a building.**

**The scene showed the huge ice wall slamming its way through the streets as people screamed.**

"**The ice walls!" Al said.**

"**They're connecting..." Ed trailed off.**

"**Don't tell me he's..."**

**The screen showed a giant transmutation circle around central.**

Everyone who wasn't there gaped.

"**It's Central... no, Central Command Center..."**

"**He's going to freeze it over!"**

"Someone get a hair dryer!" Hughes yelled.

"**Major! Al and I will stop him. While we do, the transmutation circles..."**

"**Must be destroyed! Got it!"**

_AUTHORS NOTE: At this point while I was writing, Funamation made it impossible to watch FMAB with English subs in my country. So, from this point onwards, I'm using the English dub from Watch Cartoons Online. With that said, we now return to your regularly scheduled story._

"**Fuher Kind Bradley. For your cold blooded crimes in Ishval I condemn you to a frozen hell."**

"Points off for puns."

"**Not so fast!" Ed yelled, alchemising a long pillar of stone, and jumping down on the the ice. Al did the same, and joined him.**

**Isaac attempted to break off the ice beneath them.**

"**Two can play that game!" Ed said, destroying the ice in front of him. Isaac went flying.**

"Oh, nice shot kid!" Ling said cheerfully.

"I'm older than you!"

"Details."

**Isaac melted the flying ice blocks, spraying the Elrics with hot water, before making small platforms to run across towards them.**

"**Brother!" Al shrieked, dragging Ed back.**

"**Too slow!" Isaac yelled."**

"OH COME ON!" Scar exclaimed.

**Isaac blasted Al. His helmet went flying.**

"**Alphonse!" Ed yelled. Al's armour crashed to the ground, still holding Ed.**

"That looked like it hurt." Ling said with a sympathetic wince.

"It did. Like falling a a giant set of keys!" Ed complained.

Hughes pulled a face.

"Eh, don't worry. I've had worse." Ed reassured.

**Isaac moved towards them, and Al kicked up, doing a flip as Isaac dodged. The two brothers landed side by side. The camera did a close up on Al's blood seal.**

"**There's no one in there! It's empty!" Isaac, said, looking shocked.**

**Ed picked up Al's helmet.**

"**But, that could only be true if the soul was bonded to the armour!"**

"Which it was." Ed said, while Al nodded.

"**So, you lost your arm. And your brother lost his entire body..."**

"Wait for it..."

**Isaac laughed.**

"**I see. It all makes sense."**

"Wait for it..."

"**You fools committed the ultimate taboo! You attempted human transmutation, didn't you! Alchemy's one and only unforgivable sin!"**

"And the penny drops." Ed finished.

**The scene changed to a flashback. Blue lighting from alchemy flickered across the room.**

"**AAAAAALLLLL! DAMMIT!" Edward screamed. "This can't be happening! No! He's gone! What have I done!" The boy sobbed, completely ignoring his leg, or lack of thereof. **

**The suit of armour crashed to the ground.**

**Ed drew a circle in his blood on the armour.**

"**Give him back! He's my brother! Just give him back!" **

**The camera showed Ed's crying face.**

"**HE'S MY LITTLE BROTHER HE'S ALL I HAVE LEFT!" Ed screamed, before clapping his hands together.**

**Blue light crackled, and the scene switched back to the ice.**

"Shit." Roy said, summing up the entire flashback.

Trisha pulled her sons in and hugged them.

Alphonse completely buried his face in Hoenheims coat.

"And people wonder why I hated alchemy." Scar said dryly.

"**You know, there are some lines you really shouldn't cross." Ed said calmly.**

"Well, he's fucked." Roy said.

"Completely and utterly."

**Ed charged, punching Isaac in the stomach, before smashing him on the head with both hands.**

"The only advantage to automail." Ed said grimly. "It's easy to beat the crap out of people."

**Isaac hit the ground with his hand, sending spikes of ice at Ed, which he dodged. Al moved forwards, breaking through the spikes, and kicked Isaac down the hill.**

"This may be a bad time, but I'm vaguely reminded of a really intense game of King of the Hill." Hughes said.

Al cracked a grin.

**Ed and Al slid down the ice, landing on the ground in front of a bloodied Isaac.**

"**Give it up. There's no water for you to use here." Ed said.**

**Isaac grinned.**

"That looks bad." Mei said nervously.

"**You've forgotten something. I have all the water I need, 70% of my body!"**

"Oh shit!" Ling said, summing up the entire situation.

**Ed was stabbed in the shoulder with two blood-spears.**

"Ed!" Trisha gasped.

"Mom, I'm fine."

**Ed stumbled back, and Al broke them.**

**Ed hit the ground.**

"**Why can't you fools understand! I'm trying to save this country!" Isaac yelled at them.**

"In retrospect, we're idiots." Al said.

"Agreed." Ed replyed.

**The ice hit Central HQ, as Isaac laughed.**

"Do something!" Izumi yelled.

**Al was kneeling by Ed, who was still on his knees.**

"**Brother. Brother!" Al said worriedly.**

"**Come on. We're going after him. I'm not done." Ed said, yanking a chunk of hardened blood from his shoulder. "Not even close."**

**The screen showed several explosions against an ice wall.**

"**Did we get it?" a solider asked.**

**The dents in the ice filled themselves back up.**

"**Not again!" a solider complained.**

**Roy walked up, soaking wet. He snapped his fingers, and there was a burst of flames.**

"**What do you think of my flames now you bastard!" Roy yelled.**

**Riza closed a case full of spare gloves.**

"**When will he learn? It's bad enough that he's useless on rainy days." **

Roy mumbled something along the lines of "Useless..."

**Isaac stumbled down an ally, using the wall for support.**

**The camera moved to show Bradley standing in front of him.**

"BOO!"

"ASSHOLE!" Roy yelled.

Scar flipped the screen off, prompting laughter from Ed.

"**Bradley..." Isaac said. He panted for a second, and then laughed. "Perfect!"**

**He used alchemy to form a giant spear out of his own blood. Isaac grinned, and charged Bradley with an insane laugh.**

**Bradley dodged to the side, and sliced with his swords.**

**Blood erupted from Isaacs shoulders.**

**He hit the ground, dead.**

"Damn. He is one badass dude." Ling said, impressed.

**A philosophers stone rolled through the blood, and then vanished in to dust.**

**Kimblee smiled. **

"**Now that is too bad."**

"Fucking psychopath."

**Roy destroyed a wall of ice.**

"**Armstrong, go now!" he yelled.**

"**Leave it to me! Armstrong fists will not fail!"**

"Why did he take his shirt off?" Edward said in confusion."

"Hell if I know." Ed said to his younger self.

**Armstrong's alchemy destroyed the circle.**

**The array over Central faded.**

**Isaacs body had been covered with a sheet, and several officers were standing around it. **

"**Fuher Bradley. You're here?" Ed said, sounding suprised, while holding his still bleeding shoulder.**

"Now that was a shock." Al said cheerfully.

"**Ah yes. Job well done Fullmetal. I came out to see if I could lend a hand. And to think, that I'd be the one to actually catch him."**

"That awkward moment when your boss does your job better than you." Roy quipped.

Ed glared.

"**If nothing else, this should make an exciting story for my son."**

"He spent the whole thing watching I bet." Ed said grimly.

"Most likely, yes." Riza agreed.

**The screen showed a sunny day in Central. Inside his office, Roy sneezed.**

"**Oh, is that a cold I hear? Nevermind! From what I'm told, you're the man of the hour!" Hughes said happily, walking in to Roy's office.**

"I didn't catch a cold. I'm pretty sure I got the plague." Roy grumbled.

"**Eh, I just destroyed the transmutation circles. The Fuhrer is the one who actually brought down McDougal." Roy said sounding depressed.**

"**Sure, but the Fuhrer is telling everyone it was you! So congratulations."**

"What? Why would he do that?" Ling said, confused.

"I'm really not sure."

**Roy gave Hughes an unimpressed look.**

"**Oh, so it's like that, huh? Suit yourself. But some friendly advice: Next time a superior tells you to take credit for something you didn't do, you might try it for once."**

**Roy scowled.**

"Er, Mr. Roy?" Edward said, looking over at the state alchemist.

"Yes Edward?"

"Would you like some ice for that burn?"

Everyone stared at the boy for a second, before the majority of the room started laughing. Roy scowled, as Ed got up and hugged his younger self.

"I was an awesome kid." Ed declared, after he had sat down again.

**The scene switched over to the hospital.**

"**You know, we never did find out if he had a philosophers stone." Al sid, perched on a stool beside Ed's bed.**

"Edward Elric you were not fine, you had to go to the hospital!" Trisha said, looking at her eldest in shock.

"Mom, I was only there for a day..."

"Only a day!"

"Mrs. Elric, if it helps at all, that was a rather minor wound for Fullmetal. He get's himself landed in the hospital at least once a month. The hospital in East City has a designated room for him, and the one in Central gives him reduced rates for frequent visits. He knows at least three nurses by name!" Roy said cheerfully.

Trisha looked even more worried.

"Dammit Mustang, that didn't help!"

"**No, but maybe it'll say something in thee official report." Ed replied.**

**The door opened, revealing Armstrong with a bouquet of roses.**

"**Greetings Edward Elric. When I heard you were in the hospital I JUST RACED OVER!" Armstrong yelled.**

**Ed and Al freaked out, leaning away from the Major.**

"**And as I suspected, you're in desperate need of my assistance!"**

**Armstrong ripped his shirt off.**

Everyone stared at the screen, their faces at different levels of "What the hell".

**Ed and Al screamed.**

**The screen cut to the exterior of the hospital.**

"**You need an example of a perfect physical specimen to inspire your recovery! You see? You're looking livelier already!"**

"**WOULD YOU GET OUT!"**

"Worst. Visitor. Ever."

**The scene cut to show Lust on the phone.**

"**I see, so Isaacs dead is he? That's a shame, I had such high hopes for him too. But, the philosophers stone? Sounds like he overused it."**

**Gluttony munched on a corpse.**

"Well, that's pleasant." Ling said, looking disturbed.

"**Gluttony, try to chew quietly, I'm on the phone. Yes, things are going well here in Liore. We'll be ready. It all begins very soon."**

The clip ended.

"Well, that was interesting." Ed said.

"You were both idiots." Izumi said dryly.

"Yes teacher, thank you." Al said.

"This is just making me worried. Where am I in all of this?" Trisha said, looking at her sons.

Ed and Al exchanged panicked looks, before Ed spoke up.

"They'll probably explain in the clip. Don't worry mom, me and Al are doing alright." Ed said, flashing a grin at her.

She frowned but let it go, and the group settled in to watch another episode.

**AN: Okay, that took more time to write than I expected. Really, I didn't think I could manage to stick with one piece of writing for a few months. Don't worry, updates will not take months at a time. About three of the months this took was just me skulking over the lack of English sub on Youtube. New chapter should be coming in February, at the latest. Also, if there's any characters you'd like to see added, just say so in a review, and I'll try to write them in. Thank you for reading!**


	2. The First Day

Watching FMA:B

**AN: Okay, for starters, I am so, so sorry for this taking so damn long. First, my laptop broke. And then four days after it was fixed, it committed virus-induced suicide. So yeah. That sucked. I'm typing from my mothers laptop now, without her knowledge. *Ahem*. Anyways, I'll just reply to some reviews, then list the seating arrangement, do the disclaimer thing, and then I'll start!**

**Guest 1: Yeah, I've seen Nullmetal Alchemist, and it's quite possibly one of the most beautiful abridged series ever.**

**Black Paper Moon: All I have to say is Soul Eater FTW. Rock on man.**

**FroeverTacos21: Consider it done.**

**Victorious Mind: Yeah, I'll definitely be bringing in Greeling, maybe the first Greed, and I don't know about the others. I love 'em and all, but I'm not sure if I can make it work. Still, we'll see.**

**Guest 3: ….Please don't kill me, I swear it wasn't my fault.**

**Transformersbaby: Nice to see you being polite, unlike SOMEONE *Cough* Guest 3 *Cough*. What? I didn't say anything. *Whistles.***

**SEATING ARRANGEMENTS**

**(Left to right)**

**Ling Yao**

**Riza Hawkeye, Maes Hughes, Roy Mustang**

**Izumi Curtis**

**Van Hoenheim, Trisha Elric, Scar, Ed Elric, Edward Elric, Alphonse Elric, Al Elric (It's a fucking big couch, alright?)**

**Winry Rockbell, Izumi Curtis**

**Jean Havok, Kain Fuery, Falman, Breda**

**Mei Chang, Xiao Mei**

**DISCLAIMER SHIT: The transcript of the episode comes from Fallen Crest's story, Truth Revealed. Read it, it is beautiful, though mine's more in the humor zone, hers is a bit more serious. But seriously, read it.**

**FMA belongs to someone who is not me, that I am too lazy to look up, despite the fact that I have the manga sitting **_**right fucking beside me.**_

**The show was made by Funimation, those beautiful bastards.**

**Special thanks to SapphireBlue82 for convincing me to get off my ass and write this.**

_Griff: "I'm no stranger to sarcasm sir."_

_Sergeant: "Goddammit private! Shut your mouth or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!_

_Simmons: "Oh, I'd do it too."_

_Sergeant: "I know you would Simmons. Good man."_

_~Red VS Blue, season one, episode two by RoosterTeeth_

There was a large blast of light, and Winry appeared.

"Huh? What the- Ed?"

Ed gave a nervous, slightly frightened laugh.

"Oh, hi Winry… pleasedon'tkillme."

"What? Why would I kill you- you broke your automail, didn't you." She said, face quickly turning to pissed off.

"Well, not exactly…"

"Let me see how bad it is." Winry said in an exasperated tone, before yanking Ed's shirt over his head, and then dropping it with a gasp.

"…surprise! We got our bodies back! Well, most of them. I'm still down a leg, but I've decided to quite while I'm ahead."

"…."

"Winry? You alright?"

"….."

"Winry, you're starting to scare me…."

BANG.

Winry smacked Ed in the head with her wrench.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING! YOU STILL BITS OF METAL STUCK IN YOUR ARM!"

"Hello to you too. Aren't you going to greet my brother?" ed said, grinning slightly.

"Oh, sorry Al, I for- AL!" She shrieked happily, glomping the poor boy.

"Ach… Winry… can't breathe… Ed help this is all your fault… gah!"

"_**Alchemy is the science of understanding, decomposing, and reconstructing matter." **_

"OH HEY, THE THINGS STARTING, LET'S WATCH THAT INSTEAD OF STRANGLING AL WITH HUGS!" Al all-out shrieked

"Mmkay. I'll just this couch then." Winry said, flopping on said couch.

"Fine, whatever." Ed grumbled, while the rest of the room looked distinctly amused.

"_**However, it is not an all-powerful art. It is impossible to create something out of nothing. If one wishes to obtain something, something of equal value must be paid. This is the law of equivalent exchange, the basis of alchemy. Alchemists have a taboo, and it is human transmutation." **_

"That's right, ED, AL." Izumi said very loudly.

"That's right IZUMI." Ed snapped back.

"What was that you brat?" She growled out.

"N-nothing! Nothing at all sensei!"

"I don't know if anyone cares, but I was foreed in to it, so yeah. Not guilty." Roy said awkwardly.

"I was there fuckass." Izumi snapped.

"For the part after anyways." Ed muttered.

"Brother! Do you have a death wish!" Al said, panicking.

"Shut up, we're missing it!" Ling yelled.

"**Brother…" Al said, looking at his brother who was staring out the window of the train. **

"**Hmm?" Was Ed's reply as he looked away from the window. **

"**What do you think about the stories of this priest in Liore?" Al asked. **

"Complete and utter BS." Ed deadpanned.

"Great, we get to watch me wasting time." Edward snarked.

"Little brat."

"Only Ed could insult himself and honestly mean it." Roy joked.

"THAT'S IT." A disembodied female voice shrieked.

"FEEL FREE TO MAKE ALL THE COMMENTARY YOU WANT, OKAY? MAKES THIS SHIT MORE INTERESTING. I'LL JUST PAUSE IT USING MY COMPLETE AND UTTER SKILLS, SO YOU IDIOTS DON'T MISS ANYTHING. HAPPY?"

Everyone in the room stared at the celling in complete confusion.

Well, almost everyone.

"Do I know you?" Hoenheim asked, slightly confused.

"THESE ARE NOT THE DROIDS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR. ALSO, DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?"

"Wait a minute, you're that crazy fangirl that ambushed and hugged me for an entire week about a year ago! Didn't you call yourself… Ender or something?" Hoenheim said, looking annoyed.

"I LIKE 'EM WITH GLASSES AND ANGST, SUE ME. I'M DONE. LATER FUCKASSES." The newly identified Ender yelled, before shutting up.

"…alright then." Scar said, looking baffled.

"So. That just happened." Hughed commented, remaining fairly chill.

**Edward pressed two fingers to his forehead, frowning. "About his miraculous works? They say he can transmute flowers out of thin air, right? It could just be simple sleight of hand."**

"**Supposing it's not, though?" Al asked. **

**A smirk crossed Ed's lips. "Yeah. Supposing it's not, then it just might be, huh?"**

**The screen faded to a book for a flashback. "The celestial stone that destroyed Xerxes in one night." Edward's voice read.**

Hoenheim's face darkened, and he muttered a very, very long selection of swears, in probably every single language that ever existed.

Ed quietly took mental notes.

**"The grand elixir, sealed away by the Eastern Sage."**

"And that's why there's a team Hoenheim." Said man declared, looking vaguely pleased.

"**It goes by different names, but in short, it's something that intensifies alchemy. That's the Philosopher's Stone." A serious looking Edward appeared on the screen, sitting in a wheelchair with a book a on his lap. **

"Ugh, I look… crippled." Ed said, nose wrinkled.

"Doesn't suit you." Winry agreed.

"**If only I had that, I might be able to get your body back, Al." Ed glared at the book. "Damn! Write more information about it, will you?"**

"Actually, good thing you didn't. Otherwise, I probably would have just given up then and there, and then where would we be?" Ed said darkly.

"Dead. All of us." Riza replied promptly.

"…Yeah, probably." Ed admitted, looking awkward.

**Time flashed forward once more to Edward, smiling, as he turned to his brother. "Al…"**

"**What?"**

"**I sure hope this is it this time." Edward said. **

"**Mm-hmm, right." Al said as the episode title screen came up.**

"Universe, you aren't funny." Al moaned.

"**The First Day"**

"**Ed! Al! Where are you?"**

"**Oh, my." Trisha said, staring down at her sons. **

**The screen changed to reveal Ed and Al sitting on the floor of their father's study. Al was lying on his stomach with a book in front of him while Ed had a transmutation circle in front of him. **

"Hey! I remember this!" Alphonse yelled happily.

"Yeah, me too!" Edward cried out, the two brothers grinning at eachother.

"**Messing up your dad's study again?"**

Hoenheim looked at the two boys, who smiled innocently in reply.

"**Watch." Edward said. He put his hands on the ground and caused a transmutation, though it couldn't be seen what was transmuted as the screen was on Trisha, watching her sons. **

"**That's alchemy, right?" She asked. **

**Ed's transmutation was shown to be a little bird. **

"I don't why I made that, so damn girly." Ed complained, face fully immersed in his hands.

"**Did your dad teach you that?" Trisha asked, now kneeling in front of her sons.**

"No." All four Elric boys chorused.

"**How can we learn anything from someone who's not here?" Edward asked. **

"**We read the book, and it was written in there." Al explained. **

"**It was written in there?" Trisha asked. **

**Both of the boys looked downcast. "Should we not have done it?" **

**Trisha clapped her hands. "Not at all." She said reassuringly, smiling brightly. "Amazing! You're your father's sons, all right!"**

"**Your mom is proud of both of you." Trisha said. **

**Ed and Al smiled brightly. **

"_**And that was it. Mom praised us. We were so happy about that, that we became caught up in alchemy."**_** The exterior of the house was shown as Edward's voice continued the story. **_**"But the summer of that year, there was an epidemic, and Mom passed away." **_

"W-What? I die? But…. I can't die." Trisha said, looking shocked.

"Trisha…" Hoenheim said sadly, tearing up.

The two got up, and hugged. Ed and Al looked at each other, before Ed (reluctantly) kidnapped their younger counterparts, to let their parents sit together, Ed fixing Hoenheim with the best death glare he could manage.

You know, the sort of glare that could make Pride piss himself.

Long story short, Ed Elric did NOT approve. Not in the slightest.

**A bouquet of flowers was shown on top of a grave. The two boys sat in front of the grave, looking downcast. "Brother, I'm hungry." Al said. "It's cold. Let's go home. Once Dad comes home…"**

"**Don't you talk about him!" Edward shouted angrily. "That bastard doesn't care about us. He didn't even come home for mom's funeral." **

Hoenheim started silently crying, still hugging Trisha.

**His words caused Al to look more upset as he glanced at the gravestone which had their mother's name engraved in it. **

"**I wonder if we can bring mom back." Edward said. **

"NO." Every single alchemist in the room chorused, including the elder Elrics. (Heh, try saying THAT five times fast.)

"**But it was written in that book that creating people is something you're not allowed to do." Al replied. **

"Yup, I'm an idiot." Ed said dryly.

"Wow Fullmetal, it only took you four years to realize that!"

Ed showed off his now-flesh right middle finger.

**Edward stood up. "That's why it will be our secret." **

"**You're here again." A girl's voice said, catching Al's attention. **

"**What do you want, Winry?" Edward asked, turning around. **

"**Grandma says that every time you think of a dead person and cry, the more tears you shed, the more the dead person in the next world feels sad too." Winry said. **

"**We're not crying!" Edward shouted. Al glanced up at his older brother in surprise. "What about you? Your mom and dad are always out somewhere, and you cry because you miss them." **

There was a long "Oooooohhhh…." From the rest of Mustang's crew.

"What the- when the hell did you get here!" Mei yelped, staring in shock.

"About five minutes ago. Didn't feel like saying anything." Havok said cheerfully.

**Winry blushed. "I-I don't cry."**

"Hah, it's funny because it's bullshi- GACK!"

Ed fell forewards, bleeding dramatically from a wrench-inflicted wound.

"**Are you sure?" Edward teased. **

"**I was worried about you for nothing." Winry shouted. "If you're slower than me, you don't get any supper." **

"**What's that for?! Wait up!" Edward yelled, running after her. **

"**Ah! Wait!" Al called after her. **

"**I gratefully accept this meal." The children's voices rang out. **

**Al gulped down his meal eagerly. **

"**Come on, Ed, you drink your milk, too." Pinako said as Al wiped away a milk mustache. **

"**I hate milk." Edward said. **

"Eeeeeviiiiilll….." Ed and Edward said, sounding traumatized.

"**If you don't drink it, you'll stay short." Pinako said. **

"Oh, she did not just say that." Roy said, looking highly amused.

"**Who are you calling a runt, you sawed-off old hag?" Edward retorted. **

"**What as that, you little bean sprout?" Pinako snapped. **

"**Minimum hag!"**

"**Micro-peewee."**

**As the two shouted insults at each other, Winry and Al just calmly ate their dinner in the background with bland looks. **

"**Baby-ant-sized." **

"**Atom-sized!"**

Roy stared at the screen, looking horrified.

"This… this actually explains a lot."

**That was the last insult as it turned to daytime and a school bell was chiming for the end of school. **

"**You're reading a book that's not from school again." **

"**You have to listen in class." Winry continued. **

Roy burst out laughing.

"What's so funny bastard?" Ed demanded.

"Fullmetal, there's not a single State Alchemist in Amestris that actually paid close attention in public school. Myself included."

"**Leave us alone." Edward said. **

"**Say, what sort of book are you reading?" Winry asked. **

"**It's a secret." Al replied. **

"**It's none of you damn business, Winry." Edward elaborated, causing his brother to smile. **

"**No fair. You two always keep secrets between yourselves." Winry huffed. **

"They always do." Havok agreed.

"**Bye now!" Al said. **

"**Ed! Al! We're going to be having stew tonight!" Winry yelled after them. **

**Al turned around, throwing his hands into the air in excitement. "All right!"**

"Fuck yeah!" Al yelled.

Alphonse laughed at older him.

**Edward just raised his arm without turning around. "Yeah, see you later!"**

"**You know something, whoever invented stew is great. It even has milk in it, and it still tastes so good." **

**Al narrowed his eyes, but was smirking at his brother. "What do you mean by that?"**

"**The idea of sticking milk into vegetable soup is amazing. A scientist needs those kinds of leaps of imagination too." Edward explained.**

"FOOOR SCIENCE!" Ed howled out.

"DAH DAH DAH DAN!" Roy yelled, adding in trumpet effects.

Riza performed a facepalm of great disdain.

"**Maybe you're right." Al murmured. **

"**Sure I am. I'm sure a leap of imagination is what we need for human transmutation too." Edward said. **

"_**From then on, we looked into what we would need to perform human transmutation, to bring Mom back to life, and honed our skills under an alchemy teacher."**_** The scene changed to show Izumi watching over Ed and AL's training. **

"_**It took years and years, but we wanted to see Mom's smile, and we wanted to live happily with Mom again."**_** The boys were lying on the floor of their basement reading their books. **_**"With those thoughts in mind…"**_

**Edward signed a paper with his name as he finished the plans for human transmutation. **

"**Done." **

**The sky turned red and a crow cried as Ed said that one word. **

"Well that's not ominous at all." Ling said sarcastically.

"**Water, 35 liters; carbon, 20 kilograms; ammonia, 4 liters; lime, 1.5 kilograms; phosphorus, 800 grams; salt, 250 grams; saltpeter, 100 grams; sulfur, 80 grams; fluorine, 7.5 grams; iron, 5 grams; silicon, 3 grams..." Edward's voice rang out. **

**Water was poured into a pan that was sitting in the floor. **

"**All right, now to write the constructional formula." Edward said. **

**The array was drawn on the floor with an asterisk being the last thing drawn. **

"**Now, we just need some soul data." Both boys cut their fingers and let their blood drip into the pan before moving to the edge of the array and kneeling down. They put their hands on it. "Here we go, Al." **

"**Mm-hmm." Was Al's reply. **

**The transmutation circle lit up with bright blue light, followed by electricity crashing down on the ground. Soon black lights came up from the array, surrounding the circle and the boys. **

"**Brother, there's something strange here." Al said while his brother stared around them. **

"No. Really. You don't fucking say." Ed muttered.

**A giant eye suddenly opened up in the array along with black hands protruding from it. These black hands latched onto Al's arm and at that moment his hand suddenly disappeared into particles. **

"Oh, GODDAMMIT!" Edward yelled.

"**Al!" Edward yelled when suddenly his leg snapped from his body into little pieces. **

**Edward screamed in pain before falling onto his chest. He glanced over his shoulder to see his leg being grabbed by those black hands. **

"**It can't be….a rebound?!"**

"**Brother!" Al shouted, distracting Ed from his thoughts. "Ed! Help!" He screamed, tears glistening in his eyes as he reached out for his brother, only to be decomposed before Ed could do a thing. **

"**Al!" Ed screamed, trying to reach his brother's hand before it completely disappeared. Their hands were just an inch apart when there was a blast of white.**

Edward and Alphonse stared, looking as horrified as small children possibly can. Ed had his face buried in his legs, while Al was looking away.

**Edward suddenly found himself standing in a completely white area with a giant door behind him. **

"Woah, that's creepy." Breda said, shocked.

**Edward blinked and looked around. "Al? Huh? What was I doing again?"**

"**Hello." A voice rang out, scaring Edward. There, sitting right in front of him was a white figure outlined in black. **

"**Who are you?" Ed asked. **

**This question caused the figure to be excited as it threw its hands in the air. "Oh, I'm so glad you asked that! I am called by many names. I am the world; I'm the universe. I'm God; I am Truth. I am all. I am one. And I am also," The figure pointed at Ed. "You." The gates behind Edward suddenly opened, shocking the boy when he heard it. The same eye that was on the array appeared in the opened gateway. Edward slowly turned to face it. "You have dared to knock on the door. Now, the door has opened." **

**Black hands came out from the gate, scaring Ed, who tried to run away. But, it was futile. The black hands swarmed from the gate, wrapping themselves around the screaming boy and pulled him back into the gate. **

"**Quiet, child. This is what you wanted, isn't it?" Edward still screaming, tried to reach out of the gate as the doors slowly started to shut. "I will show you the truth!" With those words, the doors slammed shut. **

"Shiiiiiiiit." Havok said in a low voice.

**Edward was pulled through a completely dark area before it was suddenly alit with strands of pictures and memories. **

"_**It was like a tremendous amount of information was being stuffed directly into my head."**_

"And it hurt like a bitch." Ed continued.

"**Stop!" Edward screamed. "It's too much! Make it stop!"**

**Once again, Edward felt his body being decomposed. **

"**I'm being broken down!" Edward shouted. "No! Stop it!"**

"**Make it stop!" Edward screamed. **

"_**It felt like my head was going to burst open. But then suddenly, I understood. This was truth." **_

**A white figure that looked like his mother appeared in front of Ed, who tried to reach out to her. "M-mom." The figure's white hand reached for his, but before they could touch, Edward was suddenly outside the gate, hand still stretched forward. **

"**How was it?" Truth asked. **

"Horrible." All five of the sacrifices chorused.

**Edward put his hand down and turned back to face the gate. **

"**Yeah," Ed murmured, walking towards the gate. "My theory of human transmutation was not wrong. But it's missing something. What I seek was just ahead…the truth about human transmutation. Please, show it to me again!" **

**The truth freak stood up. "I can't. I can only show you this much for the toll you've paid." **

"**Toll?" Edward asked. **

At this point, Ed began a cheerful chorus of swears, that could potentially give Hoenheim a run for his money.

"**Yes, toll." Truth held out his left leg which began to form into Ed's leg as his own disappeared. **

**Edward stumbled back horrified before finding Truth in his face. "It's the law of equivalent exchange, right, young alchemist?"**

"That's horrible. It's not fair, you were a kid. Equivalent, my ass." Hughes growled, looking genuinely pissed.

**Edward awoke once more in his basement, hands clutching his bleeding stump. **

**Screams and sobs mixed together escaped Edward. "Damn! This can't be happening!" He turned himself onto his stomach and crawled over to the transmutation circle, bloody hands scrabbling at the ground. "It wasn't supposed to…Damn it all! It's been taken away!" He fell over onto his side, tears pricking at his eyes. "Help! Someone! Mom! Mom…"**

Ed and Al promptly covered their younger selves eyes.

**His eyes opened as the transmutation finally ended. But, what he saw in front of him couldn't even be considered human. It looked like a monster with its insides all sprouting out. **

**Edward stared in horror at what his transmutation had created. The thing reached an arm out to him, blood pouring out from it. "No…this is wrong…this isn't…this isn't what we wanted! Al…Alphonse…Alphonse! Alphonse!" Ed's bloody hands curled into fists. "This is all my fault! Alphonse!" **

"Oh shit." Fuery said lowly.

Ed and Al were both crying at this point.

**The suit of armor in the basement fell over and Edward scrabbled over to it as best he could with one leg. "Damn it. Damn it!" He drew the array in his own blood in the armor. "Give him back! He's my brother!" Edward now sat up with his left stump of a leg hastily bandaged. "Take my leg! Take my arm! Take my heart! Anything!" He shouted in anguish, tears streaming down his face. "You can have it! Just give him back! He's my little brother! He's all I have left!" Edward clapped his hands in front of him, fury and determination shining in his eyes.**

"Brother, don't say things like that... I'm not worth you dying…"

"Al, I would willingly die a thousand times over for you. I would cheerfully have the rest of my limbs torn off again. I don't care. If you died, I think I'd rather be dead as well." Ed said darkly

**Blue alchemical light resounded throughout the room before it all went dark. **

**A clipboard with a picture of Isaac on it appeared on the screen. **

"**Yo, are you still in Central?" Maes's voice asked. **

**Mustang appeared on the screen. "Luckily, I'll be able to go back to the Eastern Command Center."**

"**Aren't you the hard worker?" Maes said, leaning back in his chair in a relaxed state. "Next time you come here, see to it that you've made Brigadier General, Colonel." **

"**Easy for you to say." Mustang replied as he walked farther into the room. **

"**Oh, right. If you're leaving, I'll give this to you now." Maes stood up and held a file out to Mustang. **

"**What is it?"**

"**The final report on Isaac McDougal. It probably hasn't reached your office yet." **

"**Yeah." Mustang said, taking the file and looking at it. "Xingese alkahestry?"**

"Woah, woah, woah, woah. He what?" Mei said, looking annoyed.

"Used Xingese alkahestry." Ling said, sound pissed as well.

"Bitch stole my thing!" Mei yelped.

"Yeah, I've been there." Scar said dryly.

"**Apparently, that's something they have. To be honest, I have no idea what it is. Do you know it?" Maes asked. **

"**No, first I've heard of it." Mustang replied. **

**The two friends left the office and walked down the hall. **

"**By the way, how are the Elric brothers doing?" Maes asked cheerfully.**

"**I'm not their guardian." Mustang replied. **

"**Hey," Maes said, getting serious. "Why did you decide to make Ed a State Alchemist? He's still just a child." **

"Hughes, I swear to fuck…" Ed said, glaring at the man.

"**As long as he's in the military, he'll end up having to go through hell someday." Maes said. "Like we did." **

"And on that cheerful note…" Izumi deadpanned.

**They walked out of the building. While Maes stopped there, Mustang went down the stairs as he was leaving. Maes held up a hand in farewell, which Mustang responded to with his own raised hand. **

"_**Hell, huh?" **_**Mustang thought as he walked away. **_**"Oh, they've seen hell. Both of them, and plenty of it." **_

**The screen changed to four years earlier, showing the boys' house. **

**Mustang was seen staring in horror at what he saw on the basement floor, which was the array and blood as the creation was gone. **

"**Lt. Colonel," Hawkeye said as she came into the room. "They're not in back, eith–What is this?"**

"Judging by the trajectory of the moon and the sun, I'd say it's a failed cake baking attempt." Ed said in a strained voice.

"**Where are they? Where are the Elric brothers?!" Mustang demanded to a surprised Hawkeye. **

**The Rockbell house was shown next with Den barking wildly at the door. **

"**Be quiet, Den." Pinako's voice said. "Don't bark at our guests." As she said this, the door was opened. Mustang pulled it the rest of the way opened and went inside with Hawkeye. "Wha–hey, you! What are soldiers bursting in here for?"**

"It's the fuzz! Hide your alchemy notes!" Al joked, in the same desperate, hollow tone as Ed.

**Mustang ignored her as he looked around until he spotted Edward sitting in a wheelchair with a suit of armor standing behind him. A look of shock passed over his face for a moment before it was replaced by anger. He marched forward to the lifeless Edward and picked up by his shirt. **

"Woah chief, you look… really bad there. Really, really bad."

"**We went to your house! We saw the floor! What was that?" **

"It was that time of the month, and Winry couldn't find her tampons." Ed muttered.

Winry flushed bright red, and raised her wrench to hit him, before she saw the state he was in, and lowered it again, instead hitting him on the arm.

**Mustang demanded, but Edward just stared blankly and defeated at him. Mustang words hit home to Ed as he bowed his head and didn't reply. **

**Al reached out, grabbing Mustang's arm, causing the soldier to look at him. "We're sorry. We didn't mean it. We're sorry…We're sorry…We're sorry."**

"**Wait, are you…" Mustang whispered. **

"The buffest ten year old you will ever meet." Al joked.

**The exterior of the house was shown for a moment. **

"**This is a surprise." **

**The dining room was shown with Mustang, Pinako, and Ed sitting at the table with Al standing behind his brother. **

"**I had heard that there was a brilliant alchemist here, so I came to see him," Mustang looked at Ed. "But I never imagined that a child like this could ever perform human transmutation, imperfect though it was, and even bond a soul." He looked at Pinako. "He is more than qualified to become a State Alchemist." **

**Edward merely sat in his wheelchair with his dull gold eyes staring down. **

"**Once he becomes a State Alchemist, he will have to serve as a soldier in the event of an emergency, but at the same time, he will receive various special privileges, and research of the highest level will become possible for him." Mustang said. He looked at Ed out of the corner of his eyes. "They may even find a way to get their bodies back, or–"**

**Pinako whacked her pipe on her ashtray. "After he came stumbling in here, covered with blood, I went over to their house. What was there…" A picture flashed on the screen of Pinako staring at the boys' creation before flashing back to the present. "What was there was not human!" The screen changed to look at Mustang, who was looking at her with a neutral look and crossed arms. "Is alchemy what created that horrific thing?! I'm against it! Would you have these boys go through hell again?!" **

**The scene changed to Hawkeye, who was sitting in the living room. **

"**Here you are." Winry said, holding out a tray with tea on it to her. **

"Cue girly bonding. Havok muttered.

A shot narrowly missed his head.

"AH! I'M-SORRY-RIZA-PLEASE-DON'T-KILL-ME!" he yelped.

"Hey, can you uncover my eyes yet?" Edward complained.

"Wha-? Oh, right, right.

"**Thanks." Hawkeye said, taking the mug before Winry sat down next to her. **

"**Um, Lieutenant." Winry said. **

"**You can call me Riza. Riza Hawkeye. Nice to meet you." Hawkeye replied, holding her hand out to Winry, who didn't take it. **

"**Miss Riza, have you ever shot anyone?" Winry asked. **

"**Yes." Hawkeye said. **

"**I hate what you soldiers do." Winry said. "Soldiers like you are the reason my mom and dad left during the war and soldiers are the reason they are dead." Winry bowed her head, shading her face with her hair.**

"Did… did she just lecture Hawkeye… and live to tell the tale?" Falman said, stunned.

"Skills." Winry said calmly.

"**And now, you are here to take Ed and Al away too." **

"**If they go. That decision is theirs, and theirs alone." **

**Winry looked at Hawkeye, shocked. **

"**Yes," Hawkeye said. "They will decide for themselves." **

**Ed appeared on the screen with Mustang's voice saying, "I'm not forcing you. I'm merely offering you the possibility." **

**Hawkeye appeared next, staring into the distance. "Whether to move forward, or stay still." **

**Mustang appeared on the screen next, but he wasn't looking at Ed. "Will you sit in that chair, wallowing in self-pity, or will you stand up and seize the chance the military can give you?"**

"Well, you clearly went the self-pity route."

**The screen changed back to Hawkeye. "It's their choice. They choose their own path."**

**Once again, the screen went to Mustang, who was now standing up and staring down at Ed. "If you believe the possibility exists for getting your bodies back, you should seek it out. Keep moving, whatever it takes. Even if the way ahead lies through a river of mud."**

**The screen changed to Ed's lifeless eyes, then to Winry staring at Hawkeye. **

"**Miss Riza, why did you become a soldier?" Winry asked. **

"**Because there is someone I have to protect." Hawkeye replied, surprising Winry with her answer. **

**The door to the dining room opened and Mustang came out so Hawkeye stood up, grabbing her coat as she did. **

"**We're leaving." Mustang announced. **

"**Yes, sir."**

"**Well, goodbye, young lady." Hawkeye said, now standing outside with the girl. **

**Winry held her hand out to Hawkeye. "It's Winry." **

"Acheivement unlocked: Get Winry to actually like you." Fuery said under his breath.

The other boys snickered.

**Hawkeye smiled. "Okay, Winry." She took the girl's hand. "I hope we'll meet again." **

**Al, Pinako, and Winry watched the wagon leave with the soldiers. **

"**Will they be coming?" Hawkeye's voice asked as the scene changed to the interior of the house to show Edward in his wheelchair. **

"**Yes, they will." Mustang's voice said. **

"**That boy, I've never seen anyone look so defeated." Hawkeye's voice said. **

**Mustang appeared on the screen, smirking. "That's what you saw?"**

**Edward appeared on the screen again. **

"**No," Mustang's voice said as Ed's eyes were shown. "There was fire in those eyes." **

"Fire is good. I like fire." Ed said with a small, creepy smile.

"Brother, some days you scare me."

**A train appeared next with its whistle blowing. Edward was seen staring out the window as Pinako's voice said, "Sure you won't regret this?" **

"**Mm-hmm, I've already made up my mind." Edward's voice replied. **

**The scene changed to Edward on a bed with Al, Pinako, and Winry surrounding him. **

"**How long will the surgery and rehabilitation take?" Edward asked. **

"**About three years." Pinako replied. **

**Edward breathed in deeply. "One year." He declared. **

"**You're gonna be spitting blood." Pinako warned. **

"Really? Cool!" Edward cheered.

Someone made a whistling noise that was the universal symbol for _"You're fucking coo-coo for coacoa puffs dude."_

**Ed gave a really small nod before turning to his brother. "Al, hang in there for a little while longer. I'm going to get you your body back." **

"**Mm-hmm, and when that happens, Brother, your body will be with it." Al replied. **

**Edward nodded as the scene fade on his face to a face of his that was a bit older and with longer hair. **

**He ducked under a punch from Al, then jumped in the air to avoid a kick. He twisted and slammed his automail foot into Al's arms as the armor guarded. Edward used his momentum to flip backwards in the air and landed on his feet. He just threw his automail arm up to block Al's fist in time. His automail foot came up to hit Al, who dodged. In a flurry of dust, they slammed their right arms together. **

"Agh, no wonder you idiots kept breaking Ed's automail!" Winry yelled, brandishing her wrench.

"Ah! Winry, it's not like it was MY automail!" Al yelled.

"Thank you my dearest brother. I just love being launched under the bus from a fucking cannon fired by you. Really gives me a warm fuzzy feeling."

"They have midget cannon….people. What the hell are those called anyways-"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE WAS TO HIRE TEN MIDGETS TO LOFT HIM TO A DOORKNOB!"

**They separated and Ed curled his automail hand into a fist. **

"**Your body is perfect now." Al said. **

"**Yeah! Now for the alchemy. I haven't used it since then, after all." Edward replied, smiling at his brother. **

"Give that bitch a transmutation. Bitches love transmutation." Roy said, quite possibly the most honest thing he had said so far.

"**Right, not since you transmuted my soul." Al said. **"

**Edward took a deep breath as he held his hands out in front of him. He clapped his hands before the screen changed to Al, who was watching him. There was a flash of blue light.**

"**Brother!"**

**Edward stood admiring the new blade on his automail, not noticing Al's shock. "Yeah, right on the money!"**

"**Amazing, Brother! You didn't even use a transmutation circle." Al said. "You've gotten so you can do the same thing that Teacher does." **

"**Al, you can do it too, right?" Edward asked. **

"**No, I can't, Brother." **

**A quick snapshot of the eye, the gate, and Ed in the white area happened before Ed appeared on the scene again.**

"**You didn't see it?" Ed asked. **

"**See what?"**

**Edward looked at his automail. "Nothing, never mind." **

**As he finished talking, a wrench came flying out of nowhere and hit him in the head.**

"Should have ducked when you had the chance!" Winry sang out.

"WELL I WASN'T EXPECTING TO BE ATTACKED BY SOME CRAZY ALCHEMY OTAKU!" Ed yelled back.

"**Hey!" Winry shouted from the porch. "You've deformed my automail!" **

"Don't you do that in every single fight you're in?" Roy asked.

"WHAT!?"

"Oh come on Winry…

BANG.

"OW!"

Ed began thinking up the various ways in which he could brutally murder Mustang, and get away with it.

"**Does that make it okay for you to deform my head?" Edward asked, grabbing his head in pain. He climbed to his feet, pain flashing on his face as he still clutched his head. "Good grief. You are one uncharming gearhead." **

"**I'm okay with being uncharming. I'm okay with being a gearhead." Winry retorted angrily. "I've made up my mind to support you until you get your body back." **

"…Thanks." Ed muttered, before giving a sincere death glare to everyone else in the room, just daring them to say something.

They didn't say anything.

**Edward turned around to give her an anguished stare. "Huh?" In the background Al looked amused. **

**The scene went to Central Command where Fuhrer Bradley was walking down the hall. **

Instant booing.

"**It's unusual for you to observe the examinations." One of the soldiers following him said. **

"**Oh, but I heard there would be a twelve you old child here." Bradley replied. "I thought I would come see what the topic of conversation was." **

**Bradley was now standing at the head of the examination room. "Oh, a steel prosthetic, huh?"**

**The soldiers standing on either side of Ed lowered their salutes while Ed grabbed his automail wrist. "In the Eastern Rebellion…" **

"**Ah, you had a time of it in Ishval, then. Hmm."**

"If that's not bullshit, then the chief is Envy's little brother."

"Eeewww… bad mental images."

**Edward glanced up from his arm to look at the soldier on his right. "Who's that?"**

"**You idiot," The soldier said. **

"**That's His Excellency, Fuhrer King Bradley." **

**Edward turned to look at the Fuhrer, unimpressed. **

"**Okay, begin the examination." Bradley said. **

**Mustang was shown to be standing on the balcony, watching Edward. **

"**Do you have something to draw transmutation circles with?"**

"Drawing's for pussies." Izumi declared cheerfully.

"Damn right." Roy agreed.

"**I don't need anything like that." Edward replied. He brought his hands forward and clapped, then kneeled on the floor and put his hands down. The floor lit up in bright blue circle with Edward in the center of it. As he started to slowly lift his left hand, a rod began to come out of the floor and he slowly stood up. **

**Mustang watched from the balcony in shock, as everyone else did. "He's not even using a transmutation circle." **

**Fully standing now, Edward moved his hands around as the lance continued to rise from the ground. The soldiers stared at the ground in shock while Edward took the lance in his hands. **

"**That's quite something." Bradley said. **

**Edward stared at Bradley for a second before charging at him. **

"**Excellency!" Some of the soldiers shouted. **

**Right before hitting the Fuhrer, Edward stopped and the soldiers pointed their guns at him. **

"**There might be those out there who would assassinate VIPs like this, so maybe you should reconsider how you conduct examinations." Edward said. **

**Bradley raised his hand and the soldiers raised their guns to the ceiling, instead of at Ed. Smirking, Edward did the same with his lance. **

Edward stared at his older self.

"Eh? What's up younger me?"

"….I think I love you."

"Get in line."

"**Hmm. You must have nerves of steel." Bradley said. "But you do not know the breadth of the world."**

**As Ed watched him walk away, the top part of his lance suddenly fell to the ground with a clatter. Edward stared at it in shock as the Fuhrer started laughing and waving without turning back around. "Good luck on the rest of your exam, my overly young alchemist." **

**When did he draw his sword?" Ed asked. **

"I still lose sleep over that." Ed lamented.

**Winry was shown standing on a hill with the wind blowing around her. **

"**I wonder if Brother is doing all right on his exam." Al said. **

"**Say, Al?" **

"**Hmm, what?"**

"**If Ed becomes a State Alchemist, are you leaving the village?"**

"**Yeah." **

**A silver pocket watch appeared on the screen. **

"**This is proof of your state certification, a silver pocket watch." Mustang said. **

"FUCK YEAH, STATE ALCHEMIST!" Edward howled.

**The exterior of Eastern Command Center was shown. **

"**Your certificate of appointment and detailed regulations are here." Mustang continued. **

**Mustang was shown sitting behind a desk. He pulled out the certificate from an envelope to glance it over. "The Fuhrer has given you quite the ironic title." **

"**What?" Ed asked from where he was lounging on the couch in the office. **

"**Nothing. Congratulations." Mustang said. He pushed the certificated across his desk. "You are hereby an official Dog of the Military." **

"**In the name of Fuhrer King Bradley…"**

"_**I appoint thee, Edward Elric to be a State Alchemist and grant the title "Fullmetal." **_

"Ironic son of a bitch."

**Edward blinked and looked at Mustang. "Fullmetal?" **

"**Yes. It's a second name given to State Alchemists." Mustang explained. "The name that you now bear is…" The screen showed Ed's right hand before going to his face. "The Fullmetal Alchemist." **

**An evil grin spread across Ed's face. "Nice. It has an oppressive feel to it." **

"**Sure, I'll take that on!"**

"Ed, have you ever looked in to becoming an evil dictator?" Hughes asked/

"Once or twice, yes. The dental plan was terrible though."

**The wheels of a train were shown followed by a sleeping Edward. **

"**Brother," Al said. "We're just about there." **

**Ed's eyes opened to look at the city that the train was quickly approaching. "Liore?" He said. **_**"Will there be any leads to getting Al's body back in that town?"**_

**Ed smirked. "The Philosopher's Stone!"**

**The scene went dark. **

"Goddammit, they're just ending it there!" Hughes complained.

"There's going to be another one on in about a minute or two." Falman reasoned.

"…Unless someone else shows up." Ling finished.

**AN: Fuck yeah Ling. Blargh, shit ending, I know. I just pulled an all nighter writing this crap, feel glad. Anyways, it might be a bit until the nixt update, so until then, POLL TIME!**

**Who should be brought in next?**

**Greeling**

**Envy**

**No one, we're good as it is.**

**Greed (Original)**

**Lolwut**

**Other. You will be informed of my choice in a review.**

**Bringing in more character is disgraceful, and I shall send you a strongly worded review telling you all about it.**

**I don't actually have an opinion, I'm just here for the snacks.**

**Also, final order of business, I swear. Let's play the quote game! Find the quote from Nullmetal Alchemist in this chapter, and you earn 1000 internetz, and I may or may not listen to you! Yay!**

**Bonus round: Point out the Homestuck reference, and you win an additional 500 internetz, and you get to know that you're a really awesome person.**

**Okay fuck it, I'm going to sleep.**

**Review fuckasses. **


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